As a mentally ill person I thought this would be an interesting post to write. I hope anyone else with an anxiety disorder or who experiences anxiety as part of their mental illness can relate. There are many aspects of anxiety that are inconvenient or upsetting; this is by no means an exhaustive list. It’s based mainly on my own experience.
A – Apologies. You’ll make many of these; it’s just in your nature.
B – Boring. Other people are so interesting and I’m just. Me.
C – Countdown. For the limited time you have to form a reply in a conversation before the other person gets bored or frustrated.
D – Dwelling. On something you did ten minutes or ten years ago, it doesn’t matter. Frequently occurs just before you go to sleep.
E – Exits. Like the ones you are constantly looking for. Escape routes are necessary.
F – Fraud. Feeling like you’re faking it all. Especially when you’re able to do something you never used to be able to, or something other sufferers can’t do, or something people thought you wouldn’t be able to so.
G – Guilt at ruining things all the time. Guilt for not even being able to completely trust your loved ones. Guilt for never being enough. Guilt for wanting to be taken as seriously as other mentally ill people.
H – Hesitancy. A result of the illness.
I – Inadequacy. Always, anywhere, everywhere.
J – All of the justifications you make for everything you do, even when completely ridiculous and unnecessary. (But if they ask I can justify it!)
K – Knots in your stomach.
L – Lazy. Of course that’s what you are. It’s not like you’re struggling with a very real, genuine illness or anything.
M – Mistakes. You make many, each more disastrous in your mind than the last.
N – Niggling. The little thoughts and feelings that tell you something is wrong. All the time.
O – all the obstacles you have to climb to do the simplest of things.
P – Pressure. It’s neverending.
Q – questions qualms quaking quitting
R – Rehearsing what you’re going to say. Feeling completely lost when the conversation doesn’t go how you thought it would.
S – Stress and how you get a horrible feeling in your stomach that makes you feel really sick. Also the excuse you make when feeling anxious.
T – Tired. It’s really tiring carrying so much anxiety, and it takes so much energy to force yourself to do things. If only it was easier to sleep when you’re exhausted from worrying.
U – Unsafe. It never really goes away to be honest.
V – Vulnerable. A feeling you’ll constantly have.
W – Worrying. Could it be anything else?
X – Xenolith. For feeling different to everyone else in society. Or, for all the things you miss out on or can’t do or are told you can’t do. Visualise a cross.
Y – Yearning. For a “normal” brain, life, body that doesn’t betray your damn emotions every time you get scared.
Z – Zigzag to represent your racing thoughts and heartbeat.
Have any experiences of anxiety you would like to share? Leave a comment!